Sunday, February 26, 2012

TRUST- One Pasta Piece At a Time

Trust is a huge word for me right now.  A friend asked us to pick a word for our year 2013 and at first I was thinking "oh easy.. tired!".. oh wait I need to be serious.. so I picked "Trust".  I wanted this year to be a picture of me trusting God more that through hard times and uncertainty that I can trust that His higher ways are perfect and planned and HE knows what is best for me and my family.  

When TRUST is broken severely it becomes a process to trust again.  I've had things in my life where promises or broken, things change, plans fail, but normally when that happens it has been a result of uncontrollable circumstances rather than a complete disregard to the end result of deception. 

Deception hurts, it wounds,  it robs, it destroys, it causes doubt, anger, sadness, bitterness and it breaks bonds of healthy relationships or makes not so healthy relationships even worse. 

As parents we instill values in our children we hope and pray they hear and act upon and hold true and dear.  We hope that they choose things that are good for them.  We desire that they live in a way that makes their life better and pleasing to others and to the Lord.   It breaks our hearts to watch them have to learn from hard mistakes and consequences of bad choices.  It breaks our hearts to have to discipline them but knowing that in the end they will better off for the correction, is better than left alone.  Even worse, it breaks our hearts when the relationship is tense and we feel the loss of relationship because choices and sin have gotten the best of things.

Through this parenting process I see how I have this similar imperfect relationship to God.  He can see the big picture of my life and the way I should go because HE knows! He's given me the manual, He knows I KNOW.. but He let's me choose.   How often do I know the right way or the better way, but seek to do it on my own and have to suffer the hard way or pay the consequences.    Sometimes the discipline is heavier because without it, I can't be transformed into who God truly wants me to be.   There are so many times we parents offer grace to our kids and a second chance.  God also offers that same grace to me over and over again.

So where does that put Trust.   As we work on trust in our house, I got this picture of a Mason Jar that was empty.  The trust had been completely lost, but the lid was off waiting and ready to be filled back up with "trust", but it would take some time.   I poured a few pasta pieces in there and said to my child "this is how much trust I have, dropped 2 pasta pieces,  I want to add more and more to fill it up to the top, but it will take time.  When trust is challenged it gets emptied a little bit.. and then completely emptied if trust is completely broken based on what was expected and understood but selfishly ignored and hurtful."   You see, I want to completely trust you but it will take time.. a whole jar of time. 

My jar with God is about 3/4 full.  I have a hard time with the extra 1/4 and giving all my trust over.  I still let worry and concern get in there.  I do know that He could never do anything to lose my Trust in Him completely.  After all, who am I that I should expect things to work out exactly how I want them to work out in a sinful fallen world.. and then I'm back in the ugliness of doing things my way not His.  I have to trust or ugly control takes it's place.

Our trust jar sits on the kitchen table with a few pasta pieces in it.  It's a good reminder of what we are working towards. To allow trust to grow you have to let go and let a person try it.  I can't tell you the PIT in my stomach as I let go... a pit of worry, concern, overwhelming as I let my child test their will and own desire to do what was right after trust had been broken.  Thankfully, we  were able to add some more pasta pieces and move on to another day of new mercies and grace and trying to navigate life and building trust one day at a time. 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

No comments:

Post a Comment