Awake..It's over..I'm alive..she's alive...I'm changed.. Jana's changed.
It was not hard to make this decision to help someone in desperate need. It is hard to grasp the reality that if I didn't do this Jana may have died too soon. To be part of something that huge has still not hit me. I think if I would have walked closer to her painful journey last year I would understand more deeply of what this new life for Jana feels like and looks like. I get a glimpse of that pain in the tears of her friend's eyes when they meet me and thank me for what I gave. For me I was just reacting to God's voice in my thoughts of
WHAT IF? What if I am a match and I didn't know it? What if I get to heaven one day and I see my life shown before me and the things I did and realize what I could have been part of , but missed out. What if I was too fearful to trust God and miss the blessing of His plan for me and for Jana. IF I step out in faith knowing that God ultimately knows who her match is, I can step out boldly knowing that it will be decided for me.
I know what being fearful is. I tend to think of all the bad things that could happen in any situation. I can't say I wasn't fearful going into to surgery. I got all my things together and weeks of planning had been done for my family and home to transition. As I finally laid in bed January 5th next to my husband, who knew this journey was both of ours, I finally cried. I cried tears of loss of what I'd never have again, tears of fear of the unknown, tears for the scars that would make my stomach ugly and the pain that would follow. Tears of wondering if I would really wake up after surgery. The hardest tears were ones of thankfulness that God picked me even though weeks before I prayed that if there was any way the cup could be passed to someone else, could take that option. The cup was mine though and I had to be strong and courageous and not be afraid. I was the 3% chance match that would make Miracle Monday possible.
Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10
A new life has began in Jana and a different life for me that if not for my pain and scars, I wouldn't notice. We rejoice each appointment that Jana's new kidney is performing greater than expected and that my lone kidney is performing as if there were still 2. When I heard those results it was like a gift back to me and the Lord saying "See I've got you covered, well done believing in Me"
|At our post operation 2 week apt. Our Transplant was #1062|
Jana's husband Dave did a wonderful job capturing his thoughts from their perspective.
Grab a tissue and read about it. I also love the song by Meredith Andrews You're Not Alone which I posted below.