Today I cried in church.. again. I hate crying in public.. I hate crying in general. I hate the ugly cry that comes when I'm trying to hold it back and the headache that comes after. The exhaustion. I am not one of those people that cry and can hide it. I don't want to cheapen my emotional feeling today letting you know that I also cry at TV reunions and am a mess at giveaways like Oprah used to do and Ellen does. I'm so happy for those people, it makes me so happy I cry. My tears today were not those same tears that come in those tv moments. I say that because in church I was a teary mess. I am convicted, I'm touched by the Word of God, the confirmation, the way that my church does not preach the comfortable, does not let us feel good in our current state, encourages to go deeper and wrestle with ideas of the Word of God and the current state of our hearts and the things we allow. I love that it is not sugar coated. I love that it is a message of NOW, not tomorrow.. come NOW, make changes you need to now, don't settle.
My daughter sitting next to me asked me at the end "why are you crying"... I did not answer. Why can't she understand why I'm crying!! Why is it weird that God would touch our hearts so deeply we would cry. I didn't have to explain my tears I shouldn't have to explain my tears. I turn to a friend who knows the tears knows the emotion of God's stirring.